I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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