You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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