hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
