I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
