I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
