They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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