Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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