i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
