Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
