why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
