Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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