this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
