I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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