Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
how drunk are you?
Several
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
