Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When are your genitals available?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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