Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Farmville is her only friend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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