so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
