Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
