I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
