I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
