I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
