i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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