My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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