8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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