just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
