Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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