I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
