6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
