I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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