david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
