You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
