You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
