Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
