Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
