well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
