don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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