the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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