There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just found puke in my bra..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
