You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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