i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When are your genitals available?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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