Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
