There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
