what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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