then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
