i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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