I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
