Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
