I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
