I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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