I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
