That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
