remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
