I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
