We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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