my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize