just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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