i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize