3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize