my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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