During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
