New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
