ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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