Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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