Apparently you make a good broom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
