Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
