are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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