It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
