And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I understand Curling. That high.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
