I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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