at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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