third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
