i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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